One of the things to contend with when someone dies is what to keep and what not to. There is another level to it when most of the things they owned were things they made, or tools and materials to make things from.

I’ve previously talked about how I reached my limit of being able to house my dad’s work in the small flat I live in with my partner. Now I have to think about how it affects my mum. She has taken on housing his works, and despite living in a larger flat, it is still a big thing for her to take on. My sister had a baby this year, and so my mum’s flat has to be made suitable for their visits as well as taking on the artwork. The word burden hangs in the air, but of course, none of us wants to speak it. But how do we make sure that my dad’s legacy is one of joy and not of burden?

It really is a privaledge to look at, enjoy, and sort my dad’s works, but it is clear to all of us that there is too much for us to house continually. So, here we start to reach the next step. What do we do next? Do we start to sell? What would we sell? How would we sell? The art market is not straightforward at all, and we would always want to honour my dad and make sure that his pieces are truly appreciated.

It’s a strange place to reach in grief, the very obvious moving forward parts. The mental load of it is complex and goes back and forth, but the bits you can quantify, like taking the clothes to the charity shop, or selling art, those feel to me as if I still have no idea how I will feel about them. I more or less know how I will feel if I go on one of “our walks” or if I look at something that belonged to him. But the active decisions almost feel too much. I think a lot of that is to do with it not just being about me, I have others to consider, and they have me to consider; we all want to make sure that none of us feels the burden, or too much stress and grief from it.

Personally, I am taking my time going through my dad’s musings, and I wonder what I will discover. Will it affect how I see some of his pieces, and will that make it harder to pass on these works? Because we have to be realistic, I can’t keep everything I want to, for two main reasons: we will likely never have the space, and because I might not be the only one wanting them, and we have to be fair about that.

The longer my dad is gone, the more I want to try and find more ways to understand him, but I have to find the balance of understanding and enjoying his work, and not putting myself or others in the position of finding his legacy difficult to fit into our lives.